This Is What Falling Feels Like
by Mystikwriter
Summary: "It was dumb. I mean, vampires are technically undead, like zombies right? Zombies do not sparkle." She looks at him. "Why would zombies sparkle?"


"What?"

Eliot pauses in his chopping to fix Parker with a glare. The grip of the knife is familiar in his hand, part of a set that he had picked out personally and managed to hold onto during the years. Normally he doesn't need much concentration to avoid slicing into something he isn't aiming for, such as his fingers, but Eliot has learned through hard experience that giving Parker anything less than his undivided attention is not so much asking for trouble but setting out a place for it at the dinner table because it will show up, come hell or high water.

Parker reaches into her Captain Crunch cereal box and when she pulls her hand out it's close to overflowing, small pieces falling to the kitchen floor. As she crunches away Eliot can't help but notice that they are all red or purple, none of them golden brown, although the box proclaims them to be the Berries Crunch variety. She isn't looking down as she reaches in to fish around for her next handful, and she still manages to grab only the berry flavored pieces.

Frankly he's kind of irritated that this manages to surprise him.

"I asked if you had to choose, which one would you want to be? A werewolf or a vampire?" Her heels bounce off the cabinets below the counter, quick thumps that jar the cabinets into half opening.

"Why would I want to be a werewolf or a vampire?" Eliot resumes cutting after aiming a pointed glare at her feet, using a little more force than necessary. He needs a new cutting board anyway. "Did Hardison put you up to this?" He scrapes the carrots into the pot of boiling water, sliding a dish towel along the edge of the blade before draping it over his shoulder. Just what he needs, Parker proving without the shadow of a doubt that yes, while they are all kind of strange, she is in fact, the weirdest.

And he's seen some pretty weird stuff dammit.

"I asked him the same thing but he didn't like that he had to choose from only those two." She tilts her head a little as she watches him, the smile curling along the corner of her mouth hinting at trouble. Not surprising since the woman was certifiable. "I think you would be a werewolf." She wrinkles her nose and completely ignores his scowl to dig around in her cereal for another handful. "You kind of growl a lot."

"I do not growl. I'm just aggressive." She doesn't appear to notice the knife he uses to emphasize his point.

"I think Nate would be a vampire." Parker says, still ignoring him. "Sophie too. Although Nate doesn't really need to be a vampire to be creepy." She munches on some more cereal. Another piece falls but instead of hitting the ground it ends up bouncing back and forth between Parker's feet.

Eliot can't really argue with that.

"What do you think I should be?"

Eliot snorts, slicing through a potato in one quick swipe. "I'm not going to indulge in your and Hardison's weird little games." Out of the corner of his eye he can see that the piece of cereal has yet to hit the ground. Currently it's resting just above Parker's toes, rolling back and forth as she twitches her foot back and forth. Eliot wonders if she even realizes what she's doing since she's currently staring off into space, forehead wrinkled as she mulls over her own question.

"I don't think I would like being a werewolf although turning into one might be pretty cool." The piece of cereal jumps into the air as Parker flicks her foot. It's caught by the other one before it can hit the ground. She shoves another handful of cereal into her mouth and when she speaks Eliot can hear the crackle crunch as she chews. "Having claws would make stealing things kind of difficult."

"Is this what you and Hardison do all day, just ask each other these stupid questions?" Wiping his hands he checks the temperature of the water he set to boil. He twists the knob to lower the flame. He's been working on this recipe for a while now, tweaking it here and there.

"As a vampire I would have to drink blood, but I suppose I could live with the fangs. It would be fun to flash them at people."

Cutting up an onion Eliot conceals a smile behind the fall of his hair, amused in spite of himself at the way his half of the conversation has apparently fallen through, not that Parker notices.

"I want to have sex but Hardison wants to wait. Something about taking things one step at a time. I think that's what he said."

It takes Eliot a couple seconds to process what she said, the knife freezing halfway through the onion when his brain catches up. That quickly the good feeling he's been dancing around dies a swift, horrible death. He steps back from the counter, not quite sure what to do since actually dealing with food right now is suddenly out of the question. He settles for glaring at Parker, who stares back with wide all too innocent eyes as she shoves another handful of cereal into her mouth.

His voice is gravel-low when he speaks, and knowing that in her head she's thinking of it as his 'growl voice' does not help, at all. "What the hell, Parker!"

Every time he thinks he's got a handle on the weird around here he can always, _always_, count on Parker to take it to the next level. He doesn't know if it makes things better or worse to know that she most likely has no idea what she's doing, although sometimes he can catch the barest traces of a smile or some flicker behind her wide eyes that makes him think maybe she knows exactly what she's doing and no – just no. There are some things that will break a man if he thinks about them, and a sneaky Parker who knows exactly what she's doing is one of them.

He takes a breath and holds it for a second because he's this close to shouting. "I don't want to hear about that stuff, Parker. I already know too goddamn much about everybody and I don't want to even think about…that." He shudders, abdominal muscles contracting as if his insides are trying to crawl away without him.

Parker shoots him a look, her cereal currently forgotten. "You're the one who asked."

"No, no I did not ask." He points his knife at her and he doesn't care that it makes him feel a tiny bit better to know that he is armed with a sharp object, even if he has no intention of using it. "No."

"You asked if this is what we do all day. I want to have sex but Hardison wants to wait, so instead he pulled out these movies about a girl who loves a vampire and a werewolf." She sighs, once more staring off into space. The piece of cereal ends up airborne once more, bouncing back and forth between her feet. "It was dumb. I mean, vampires are technically undead, like zombies right? Zombies do not sparkle." She looks at him. "Why would zombies sparkle?"

And that is the last straw. Their sex-life, non-existent though it is, and Twilight? Better men have spilled their guts for less. With the sudden wild urge to beat the crap out of something, Eliot turns the fire off and throws his towel down. The knife ends up in the sink, gently set down even though he kind of really wants to ram it point first into a cabinet or something. "I'm not going to stand here and listen to this."

He strides out of the kitchen, his appetite gone, and knowing that there is nothing that will make him forget this conversation just happened. As he's walking away he hears Parker murmur something under her breath.

"Yep. Definitely a werewolf."

* * *

A/N: I don't even know where this came from, but I had a blast writing it.


End file.
